One love, one last kiss.

I am loving the new grip I have had on my life for the past 3 days.
I am actually sticking to it, and don't feel like faltering.
Not loving the fact that in a week's time, with events that look like they are going to plan out, I'll probably have fallen back to stage one again, and to get over that, I'll just eat chocolate and crisps and ice cream and general food.
I do it to myself and I don't know why. I could so easily just stay on the safe side and make sure that I don't get hurt, that I continue with the progress I have made. But it would appear that I am not content with that boring side of life. The bigger part of me is actually trying to kill me off. I think I may have a minor split personality.

I freakin' finally finished my History essay on Thursday by the way. I actually managed to make it half-way decent aswell, I was actually quite chuffed with it in the end. As soon as I've finished that I have another History essay on Jews to do, this time about the treatment in the second world war, which will just depress the fuck out of me. Serious, how can that even begin to happen in such a huge scale? Fucking ridiculous, it's completely insane. I also have to finish my textiles project by next week, which is a joke. I have French coursework to do and I think that is it. I dropped out of additional maths so I have one less exam to do in June and I'm more likely to get a decent mark in general Maths as well. I want that bloody A!

My dream last night was insane. In reality, Chantal slept over at mine but she went to bed early and I stayed up and watched Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King with my Dad, and so I slept in my sister's room instead of my room so I didn't wake her up. In my dream there was a bunch of us (I think he was in it, I think he had a girlfriend.) We were sat in the shelter at platform 1 at our local train station when it like suddenly turned into a rollercoaster and took us ALL over Manchester to Old Trafford, where Manchester United were playing, and Ruud van Nistelrooy was a sub, even though he left United years ago. We went home and I threw up outside, and the keys came apart in my hand, and Jess was pointing to invisible pheasants.

My singing teacher today suggested that I should try out for some singing competitions. I think that maybe when my confidence is higher I will. Maybe. I've always wanted to be in a musical. Maybe when I'm happier with myself I'll do something about it. Surely if I carry on like this it wont be long.

How can you look at me and smile?
After all and everything you said.
There are things about you,
That don't fit together in my head.
Last Kiss - Guillemots