Low-Standards?

I'll show you low-standards. The boy will need to be at least 6"2, 6"1 at a push. Any age from my age to 5 years older, also pushing. He will need to be warm with a lovely voice, if possible Northern England (but not as high as Newcastle, I want to be able to understand him.) Being patient, kind and selfless are musts. I do not have time for much sarcasm and insane immaturity that goes too far. Please, fashionable with a good taste in music. He shall be desisive to make up for where I lack. He shall not care what other people think of him, as long as he's confident in himself. Confidence but not arrogance. Intelligent and ambitious but not big-headed. Able to maintain a interesting conversation and also fuel it. I need a good head on strong shoulders. I need to find another who can make me laugh as easily as few I've found before have done. We all know it's not all about personality, as much as we would like it to be. I want him to have teeth with character. Preferably dark haired, but not much fussed either way. A nice laugh, a nice smile, nice eyes. Not too pasty, though I understand this is difficult in this current climate. He shall not straighten his hair or wear skinny jeans. He will not wear huge headphones or his pants down his ankles. In fact his hair will have to be just perfect. He shall be polite to people, especially my parents. I do not want him to smoke. He will definitely not do drugs. He shall not be prejudice to anyone. He will be mostly P.C. He will have free calls. He will have a job. He will love football more than I do, and happily watch it with me/talk about it with me and even possibly play it with me. He will also watch Top Gear with me and point out all the good cars. He will watch Friends with me. In an ideal world he will also drive. And he will have a lovely singing voice and play the guitar. He shall not look at me like I'm crazy even though I might be a little weird at times. He will laugh at my jokes even when they are not funny. He should not be too stubborn, especially not when I'm concerned. He'll have to be kind of tidy, otherwise combined we are destined to be the biggest slobs ever. He will be thoughtful. But he shall not be too whipped nor needy. He will be honest and loyal and caring. He will teach me how to play video games, and not mind that I still almost fancy Michael Carrick and Brandon Flowers more than him despite the fact I have found the most perfect man in the whole entire world.

I think I've done.
So yeah, applicants.......?
or perhaps not.