"I'm sorry I met you darling.

I'm sorry I left you."
The Meeting Place - The Last Shadow Puppets

As much as I hate it. I know if you could say it without fear of breaking me further you would.
I was thinking about nothing before, gazing into space when I realised - and a smile crossed my face - I was yet think about you before that point, late into the day. Surely some kind of record for the past few months.
You're an uncomfortable memory and with the memories becomes a dislike I never thought was possible for me to feel for you. All the things you did and said I resent.
I dread the next time you get in touch, I don't want to relapse. I just want to forget.

I didn't go into school today. I woke up unable to muster the strength to get out of bed, feeling pretty ill. If I had put my mind to it I could have probably crawled out of bed but by the time I considered it the time was 7.44 and I would have had no time to get a shower and prepare for school before I had to get out of my house and catch the bus.

So I finished New Moon. It was good, I cried silently throughout the last few pages and I'm not sure why. I think I'm jealous of the love between Bella and Edward and sour at the contempt that I will never have anything like that, because it is made up and nothing ever works out like that - romance is dead. Teenage girls like myself are cruelly taunted by countless Hollywood movies and books. Perhaps that is why I like Harry Potter so much. Despite the whole wizard and witches and general magic, it's so easy to believe, and with a mother such as my own, I practically expected that letter on my 11th birthday. I love Jacob. He's so real. I know why I cried in the last pages, seeing Edward preventing Bella from getting to him must have torn him apart, so ironic seeing as it is Edward's presence that means they can't be friends anyway. Why couldn't Edward just let them have that last moment? I seem to forget that it's only a book and once again, I shouldn't get so emotionally involved. I major trait of mine.

Tonight I have to finish my English. Basically re-writing my Macbeth essay that I completed last year rather hurriedly from the computer copy. It's tedious but gives me a subtle chance to try and add a few more points to get it better than a C grade. Unfortunately I slept through most of my Macbeth lessons (which is why I got the C grade in the first place) and I can't remember anything of the play. But oh well, I've added a few empty points that will hopefully make it slightly more respectable.